Monday, January 30, 2012

Reasons, Pt. 1

When I start reading an author, I prefer to get their debut book and go from there. I want to see the progression of their style. Plans fell through this weekend, so I devoted my time to Jennifer Weiner’s Good in Bed.

An excellent read. 

At one point the main character, Cannie, unexpectedly meets up with a musician she admires, but instead of being cool, the popster says something really rude. Our pregnant Cannie is shocked into silence, and then, “I felt the baby kick then, like a little fist rapping sternly at me from the inside, like a reminder. Suddenly, I thought, the hell with her. I thought, I’m someone, too.”

So she speakes her mind, the people around them laugh at the popster, and the woman hisses, “Who are you?” to which Cannie replies, “’I’m a writer,’ I said softly, forcing myself not to retreat or look away.”

Ah yes. I can’t say I’ve lived this exact cenario, but I’ve definitely felt shocked into silence, demoralized by people I’ve looked up to, and doubted my worth and abilities. I’ve wanted to be a writer since before I can even remember. Before I was okay at spelling, anyway. One of my first stories is here:

I remember at the time I was writing A Turcky, I felt it was taking me forever to get the story out. When I’d put the finishing “The End” down and reviewed it briefly, my young mind concluded appreciatively that it was indeed a long story. My heart hurt, I was so proud.

So what happened between then and my adulthood, where I became too afraid to pen anything I wasn’t required to do for school, applications, work. My passion to write was deeper than ever, but there was all this stuff in the way.

Like Cannie, I needed a reminder, which brings me to another writing trick. And this one’s important.  

I have two main reasons: Alpha and Beta.

As a person creating something in this over-stimulated, over-dramatized, over-polarized and under-informed world, where everything is made and pumped out en mass, for the masses, you have to have them. Period. 

Reasons, I mean, not necessarily Alpha and Beta specifically.

I question myself almost daily. I don’t have a bad self-esteem, per say, I think I just have a lot of self-doubt, frustration, and fear. Along with millions of other people, as evidenced by the abusive amount of drugs – both prescription and recreational – and chocolate that are consumed every year.

I’ve got a few theories on this, but they’ll have to wait til tomorrow. They have to do with grocery carts, God, and "No," but again, tomorrow.

Hours logged today: 1/reading and editing   Pages logged today: 1/reading and editing    Total pages logged today: 117

Moment of Magic today:

Alpha loves to watch this and it's magical because I love to watch it, I just forget about it sometimes. When he's running around the house, making faces and funny noises, I call him Crazy Frog. And then we have to watch this again.

The magic is two-fold, I guess: Alpha, who runs around crazy and keeps me laughing, and the video itself that's awesome.

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